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About Deviant Artist Member Juliet *plz call me Ju*Female/Malta Recent Activity
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Hey guys. It's been a while since I've been on DeviantArt. Just felt like popping in and seeing what's up. 

I started school in October. In the beginning it was awesome and kinda scary. Took me a while to make friends and it was fun and I was learning. Everything was going great!

Until I encountered him...a guy and his group of friends that made my school life awful!

That asshole fucked my life up. He bullied me and told me the worst shit. 

"I find you pretty despicable."
"Y
ou have rolls and a heavy dose of depression."
"Y
our existence pains me."
"You're 
disgusting so please end your life or get your shit together you fucking plight to humanity."
"You're so fat. Christ. No one loves fat girls, go throw up your food you stupid bulimic fuck!"

I HEAR THIS EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I was so done. I started cutting myself. I used to cut myself everyday to make the pain go away. I was incredibly suicidal and still am till this day. I stopped going to lessons, started starving myself and was hurting myself more and more. My parents didn't help at all. The school called my parents when a girl saw me cutting in the bathroom and reported it. They were furious and they were very mad even when I told them the truth...

...so I jumped.

I went to the top of my house which is about 2 stories and idiotically jumped thinking it would kill me. I damaged my spine and now it is permanently damaged and it hurts to walk and even to sit down. At least I'm not in a wheelchair... 

You know when people say your life flashes before your eyes while you think you're dying? I didn't see the light. I didn't watch my life go flashing right before my eyes. All I thought about was 1 person, my best friend. And then I hit the ground, saw blood and fell unconscious. I woke up still on the floor...no one fucking noticed. I thought I died and was in Heaven, and then I cried. I got up, my back felt like it was in shock, and just acted like everything was okay.

I'm now at a psychotherapist. I hate her, and she thinks I'm crazy...she prescribes a list of pills that don't work. She said I might even be developing a form of schizophrenia. I hear voices at night and need my boyfriend to stay with me in a Skype call every night to make sure I feel safe.

I started drinking a lot. I'm addicted to it. I spent all the money I made at work in summer to buy alcohol. 1000 euros down the drain. I get drunk nearly every weekend and even skip school because I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I want to go back to work to make money to move out and just live alone with my boyfriend and some of my friends because I can't stand my life at home either. 

A few days ago, I got expelled from school for not attending lessons. My mum told me that I'm a failure in life and that I'm wasting my time. I feel like it's only a matter of time till I stop giving a fuck and just walk into a knife or something. I'm literally holding on for dear life, while hanging by a thread. 

Does anyone know how to get rid of self-harm scars? And possibly my life?

JuXxx
  • Mood: Guilty
  • Listening to: Zombie - The Cranberries
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: Minecraft
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Water
Alright. So, after a couple of months of losing my best friend and a lot of my friends, I was feeling very upset. It felt as if I was trapped. I can't really explain how I felt. I lost my appetite and was just doing nothing. Only time I was alright was when I went to work. (I work in a chinese restaurant). I had a dream...

...I was cutting myself. And I woke up to a bed soaked in blood...and my arms were cut as well as my thighs. I didn't tell anyone and threw my sheets away. I went to the doctor the next month to make sure it had passed...

After several tests it showed that I have severe chronic depression and I'm bipolar. I also have post-traumatic stress disorder from when my friend killed himself. The doctor told me I was a "walking mess of depression"... (thanks doc)

So...yeah. I didn't know there were different types of depression. And I certainly didn't think I actually had depression...

I have 3 types of depression... (I still don't trust that...)

Nothing is getting better, yet everything is getting worse. Hopefully when school starts, it will get better. 

JuXxx
  • Mood: Defeated
  • Listening to: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Greenday
  • Reading: My journal.
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: League of Legends.
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Water
Well, hello everyone. Long time no speak. Just to tell you all that the moment I was petrified for, finally arrived and is over. I have finished school and I received results. I ended up taking everything paper A despite what most teacher told me. 

I passed them all. 

:D Hellz yeah! So, the grading is 1 - 5 is a pass. 6,7,U are fails. 1 is the best, 5 is the lowest. I guess it's sorta like this:

1 = A or 85+
2 = B or 75-84
3 = C or 65-74
4 = D or 55-65
5 = E or 45-54

I got: 

English Language: 2
English Literature: 3
Mathematics: 5
Maltese: 4
Religious Studies: 3
Physics: 4
Chemistry:5 
Environmental Studies: 4
Computing: 4
Art:5 

Art was my lowest mark. xD

On a side note, I got into the school I wanted to go to and it's just a walk away. :3 

I'll make another journal for something different, I'd rather keep this one happy. :D

JuXxx
  • Mood: Relief
  • Listening to: Pika Girl - S3rl
  • Reading: The terms and conditions to TeamSpeak
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: League of Legends.
  • Eating: Rice
  • Drinking: Water
Life and Death by i-love-shadaze
Life and Death
Since my theme for my art project was flowers, I felt like I needed to paint this. It's a contrast between the beautiful things in life, and death. Death is plain and straight forward. It's there, in black and white, while life is just a beautiful lie. Even though the roses appear to be beautiful, they still have thorns. 

Painted with acrylic paint. :D 
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i-love-shadaze's Profile Picture
i-love-shadaze
Juliet *plz call me Ju*
Artist
Malta
Me. Hello and welcome to my page! This is what you need to know about me:

I'm Juliet but please call me Ju or by my user name i-love-shadaze.
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:bulletblack: :bulletred: :bulletblack: :bulletred: :bulletblack:

I'm 16 and my birthday is on the 11th of June.

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I'M MALTESE AND PROUD!!! YES I LIVE ON THAT TINY ROCK OF PARADISE!!!!

:bulletblack: :bulletyellow: :bulletblack: :bulletyellow: :bulletblack:

My hobbies are drawing, sports and listening to gothic rock, alternative metal, techno and house music. But most of all, I love playing video games!

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My favourite colours are black and fluorescent green .

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I'm a huge Hetalia and Death Note fangirl. As well as Minecraft and League of Legends.

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My favorite games are Super Smash Bros. Brawl, League of Legends and Minecraft.

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I like black angels and such. I like the goth look.



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JuXxx

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TRADITIONAL ART

Full Body: 5 :points:
Half body: 4 :points:
Head: 3 :points:

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Full coloured and Inked: 7 :points:
Line Art only: 4 :points:
Base: 3 :points:

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DIGITAL ART

Full Body: 7 :points:
Half body: 5 :points:
Head: 4 :points:

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Full coloured: 9 :points:
Line Art only: 5 :points:
Base: 1 :points:


Rules


:bulletgreen:If you want anything, send me a NOTE or say it on my page.
:bulletblue:OC's are now welcome.

Give me maximum 14 days. You can mix and match from the list.

:bulletgreen::bulletpink::star:OPEN:star::bulletpink::bulletgreen:

Some Past Commissions:

Line Art For Aki by i-love-shadaze For AkiHannah

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XsmashxbrawlX Commission by i-love-shadaze For Sapphire-Blossom-Mai

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Lizzy LAtino for Blue Aqua by i-love-shadaze For Blue-Aqua-san95

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Shadow Holding a Lemur For Obelisk by i-love-shadaze For JBvonHerb



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Hey guys. It's been a while since I've been on DeviantArt. Just felt like popping in and seeing what's up. 

I started school in October. In the beginning it was awesome and kinda scary. Took me a while to make friends and it was fun and I was learning. Everything was going great!

Until I encountered him...a guy and his group of friends that made my school life awful!

That asshole fucked my life up. He bullied me and told me the worst shit. 

"I find you pretty despicable."
"Y
ou have rolls and a heavy dose of depression."
"Y
our existence pains me."
"You're 
disgusting so please end your life or get your shit together you fucking plight to humanity."
"You're so fat. Christ. No one loves fat girls, go throw up your food you stupid bulimic fuck!"

I HEAR THIS EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I was so done. I started cutting myself. I used to cut myself everyday to make the pain go away. I was incredibly suicidal and still am till this day. I stopped going to lessons, started starving myself and was hurting myself more and more. My parents didn't help at all. The school called my parents when a girl saw me cutting in the bathroom and reported it. They were furious and they were very mad even when I told them the truth...

...so I jumped.

I went to the top of my house which is about 2 stories and idiotically jumped thinking it would kill me. I damaged my spine and now it is permanently damaged and it hurts to walk and even to sit down. At least I'm not in a wheelchair... 

You know when people say your life flashes before your eyes while you think you're dying? I didn't see the light. I didn't watch my life go flashing right before my eyes. All I thought about was 1 person, my best friend. And then I hit the ground, saw blood and fell unconscious. I woke up still on the floor...no one fucking noticed. I thought I died and was in Heaven, and then I cried. I got up, my back felt like it was in shock, and just acted like everything was okay.

I'm now at a psychotherapist. I hate her, and she thinks I'm crazy...she prescribes a list of pills that don't work. She said I might even be developing a form of schizophrenia. I hear voices at night and need my boyfriend to stay with me in a Skype call every night to make sure I feel safe.

I started drinking a lot. I'm addicted to it. I spent all the money I made at work in summer to buy alcohol. 1000 euros down the drain. I get drunk nearly every weekend and even skip school because I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I want to go back to work to make money to move out and just live alone with my boyfriend and some of my friends because I can't stand my life at home either. 

A few days ago, I got expelled from school for not attending lessons. My mum told me that I'm a failure in life and that I'm wasting my time. I feel like it's only a matter of time till I stop giving a fuck and just walk into a knife or something. I'm literally holding on for dear life, while hanging by a thread. 

Does anyone know how to get rid of self-harm scars? And possibly my life?

JuXxx
  • Mood: Guilty
  • Listening to: Zombie - The Cranberries
  • Reading: /
  • Watching: /
  • Playing: Minecraft
  • Eating: /
  • Drinking: Water

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconacethekittykat:
acethekittykat Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I hope your life gets better ^^
Reply
:icontoonfighter:
Toonfighter Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist
Reply
:iconlinkcrazy-4ever:
Linkcrazy-4ever Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013
Yes, hellooooo long time no talk x.x
but happy birthday c;
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
Thank you for the Happy Birthday. :D I know, I actually don't go on DeviantArt anymore, but I don't have to heart to de activate the account. :)
Reply
:iconlinkcrazy-4ever:
Linkcrazy-4ever Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013
yeah same here xD but of course you're welcome <3
Reply
:iconcasey-cadvan:
Casey-Cadvan Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Aw, thanks so much for the B-Day wish and gift!! :hug::tighthug:
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
It's no problem, happy birthday. :)
Reply
:iconcasey-cadvan:
Casey-Cadvan Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconlinkcrazy-4ever:
Linkcrazy-4ever Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012
Oh, thank you! >~< That was so sweet of you ^^ thanks for the birthday wish.

:iconnorwayfukkiretaplz:
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
It's no problem, thanks for always being there for me. ^^
Reply
:iconlinkcrazy-4ever:
Linkcrazy-4ever Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Oh, of course! ^^
Reply
:iconcasey-cadvan:
Casey-Cadvan Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the watch!
Hetalia fan...? ^^
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
Big time. xD
Reply
:iconcasey-cadvan:
Casey-Cadvan Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
XD I need to watch Hetalia again. It's been ages since I last watched it. haha
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
Same. TT D: DAMN YOU HOMEWORK THAT WAS SENT TO ME FROM SCHOOL IN SUMMER!!!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconserphentina:
Serphentina Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
Thatīs horrible.
I wish it wonīt happen to you again.
Stupid hacker.
People like this piss me off.
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
The hacking won't, but this thing with this guy will.
Reply
:iconserphentina:
Serphentina Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
I understand.
Thats really not funny..
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
He's really upset me.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconserphentina:
Serphentina Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
I missed you too^^
And are you proud with your exam results?
sorry for bad english i have to improve it^^°
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
I did quite ok. But I wanted to do better. :)
Reply
:iconserphentina:
Serphentina Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
Thats the spirit^^!!
Something new?
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
Read my latest journal and find out.
Reply
:iconanimefan046:
animefan046 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
thanks for the fave :D
Reply
:iconi-love-shadaze:
i-love-shadaze Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
hehe no problem! :D
Reply
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